Envy on the rocks

By Bowen Lochman

A few weeks ago, I was out with my fellow staff members and some friends for a fun day of rock climbing. Going into the day, I was excited, not only to be in a great community of people but also to test myself and see if my rock-climbing skills were improving.  While I love rock climbing, I am by no means very good at it, but for the past few months I had been working to build up my arm, shoulder, and grip strength so that hopefully I could make it up some of the more difficult climbs.

When we got there and began setting up the climbs, I noticed my excitement quickly transforming into jittery nerves.  Even though I enjoy rock climbing and have climbed many times, I sometimes find it hard to step up to the rock and fully commit to the challenge: to be both courageous and humble, to commit to getting better by finding the climb that I can’t quite do and then fight to complete it.  This process can be extremely humbling because I might take about 45 minutes to complete a climb that the next person will scale in a mere 45 seconds!

Having successfully climbed a few of the easier climbs, my confidence had grown, and I decided to make my way over to the more difficult climbs to see how my friends were doing on them. Several people were working together to figure out how to do the hardest climb as another climber struggled on a nearby climb.  I began encouraging these climbers until Lauren approached me and asked me to belay her.  I gave this new climber my full attention as I tied her in and got set to belay.

I had watched her during the day and judged her to be at my level of climbing skill or maybe a little better. I considered how high other people had made it on this climb and how far I might be able to make it.  As she climbed, I encouraged and coached to help her succeed, but when she was about halfway up, I realized that inwardly I wasn’t sure that I truly wanted her to reach the top.  What if I couldn’t make it as far as she did?  The others might not  congratulate my attempt, and they would certainly know I had failed.  Her success could make me look  really bad.
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But was this true?

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In 1 Samuel, we read of a person who struggled with the same dilemma I was facing.  A young man named Saul who happened to be chosen as the first king of all Israel.  He starts his reign filled with the Holy Spirit and obediently following the Lord closely.  However, Saul’s pride soon begins to get in the way, and Saul, failing to subdue it, lets it go unchecked.  He trusts his own ideas and bows to the people’s wishes rather than standing firm to uphold God’s commandments.  His flagrant disobedience leads to the Lord’s rejecting Saul as king.  1 Samuel 16:14 tells us that the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul. 

He had stopped looking to the Lord and had become focused on himself.  He had let pride begin to taint his heart, and from this pride many other things began to grow--fear, jealousy, and envy. We know the Lord would have freed him from these feelings if Saul had immediately asked for rescue, but he didn’t.  He chose to let them grow within him.  He chose to depend on his own strength rather than seeking the Lord.
A few chapters later, David makes his entrance and begins winning battles along with the hearts of the people.  Saul is blind to David’s service and loyalty.  His heart is so deeply imprisoned by pride, fear, jealousy and envy that he becomes obsessed with killing David, his perceived rival. This madness continues for the rest of Saul’s life.
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Saul had been a mighty warrior but is not satisfied with his success.  No, David’s victories threaten his reputation; they seem to make him less of a hero.  Saul entirely discounts the blessings that God has given him and refuses to accept that God has also blessed David. This is how envy works. It makes us believe that when good things happen to other people, they are taking that good from us rather than receiving a gift from God.

Saul’s life choices and David’s responses truly fascinate me.  I read about two people who are reasonably similar; both Saul and David make some big mistakes, and both of them have some major consequences for those mistakes. But, unlike Saul, David looks outwardly and cries out to the Lord in anguish, and as he cries out, he worships and praises God.

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"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
Psalm 51: 10-12​​

​David is described as a man after God’s own heart because he didn’t allow envy to infiltrate his heart.  He expressed thankfulness and humility--opposites of envy.  He chose the way of the righteous, which leads to eternal life in Christ.  

Standing at the base of the rock and watching Lauren succeed, I faced my jealous and envious thoughts and asked myself a simple question, “Is someone else’s success truly going to make my success less?” The answer was “no,” so I acknowledged the thought was there, then I sent it on its merry way.

I don’t want the pride and envy that are natural to the flesh define who I am and interfere with the purpose that God has called me to.  Do you? We can’t always control the thoughts that come into our minds, but we can control what we do with them.  When dark thoughts surface, we can let them grow and fester in our spirits or dismiss them to shrivel up and die.
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It is November, and just around the corner is Thanksgiving, a time when we are supposed to be thankful. Yet if we are not careful, the holiday season can be an especially easy time to allow pride and envy to slip in.  I ask you, Will you take your thoughts captive or will you let them take root and blossom?

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"Love does not delight in Evil but rejoices in the truth."
1 Corinthians 13:6