"I AM" and ME

By Bowen Lochman

​This spring, my mom brought a group of ladies from my home church to DM for a weekend retreat.  In working with her to set up their schedule for the weekend, we decided that climbing on our 5-Fun Rock Wall here on camp would offer a great chance for the group to experience challenge and victory while uniting them for the weekend.  I was quite excited with the plan, knowing that since I am currently the only female senior instructor here at DM, I would get to facilitate their day of rock climbing.

A couple weeks before the retreat, when I received the group’s roster, I was delighted to find that I had deep ties in this group of 9 ladies whose ages ranged from 35 to 75 years old.  My mother, my aunt, a previous boss, a high school mentor, and many other gals from church and the community had all signed up to come.  It would be fun to see them all again.

​Then doubts began to grow.  How would they receive instruction from someone that they had watched grow up?  What authority did I even have to speak into their lives? Could the Lord really use me in this situation?  How was I supposed to lead all these women who had led me in so many ways?  I was feeling nervous and unsure of how the Lord could use me when these ladies had so much more life experience than I do.  Most of them have been walking with the Lord longer than I have been alive! 

​The morning of the scheduled rock climb, I opened my Bible to the story of Moses in Exodus chapter three, and as I read, I was deeply encouraged. There in the wilderness, God comes to Moses in the burning bush and reveals His plan to rescue the Israelites out of Egypt.  He tells Moses he is the man for the job, and he is to start by delivering a message to Pharoah. Whoa!

​Moses’ response is something I can relate to.  “Who am I,” he asks “that I should go to Pharoah and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

God’s response to his question blows my socks off.  I would have given Moses a pep talk, telling him about all the miracles he would perform, giving him a glimpse of the epic adventures ahead, and assuring him of success.  But God…God offers just five words laden with power, grace, and love: “I will be with you.”

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​Those five words change everything.  Moses doesn’t need a pep talk; what he needs is the Lord’s presence.  God doesn’t shine the spotlight on Moses and heap on pressure to carry out the plan.  He points the spotlight upon Himself so that Moses can keep his eyes on the Lord.  God essentially said, “It doesn’t matter who you are. I AM!”
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The Lord kept His promise.  His Shekinah Glory—His tangible presence—went with the Israelites for the next 40 years as they wander through the wilderness. A pillar of cloud covered them by day and a pillar of fire protected them by night.  He never broke this promise.  Even though they grumbled and disobeyed Him over and over again, the Lord’s presence was with them every step of the way.

​I needed that reminder that morning, and I needed the support of the staff.  As we gathered for a quick prayer time to start the day, I asked for prayer over the ladies and confessed how nervous and unsure I was feeling about stepping into a leadership role with this group. Joel gave me a word of encouragement and guidance, and we prayed that the Lord would reveal His Shekinah Glory to this group, that they would experience His tangible presence that day. 

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​When the ladies gathered with mixed feelings about the rock climb, I asked them a question:  What do you want to get out of this day?  I knew that I could neither force them to get anything out of the day nor make them truly commit to the experience and give it all they had.  Only they themselves could do that, and I had to let go of control, allowing the Lord to do His work within these ladies.  

​After a pause, one of the ladies responded, “I’m 75 years old, and when I heard we were going rock climbing, I didn’t think I was going to participate, but what better time is there to try than now?  So, my goal is to get on that wall and then go as high as I can!”

She had definitely set the bar high, and I could see everyone else in the group considering her target.  Gradually, I saw in each woman’s eyes the commitment that I was looking for.  They accepted the assignment; they wanted it!  I could see that they would not give up when it became difficult but would lean into the challenge and experience what the Lord had for them within that place of vulnerability.

​About halfway through the climb as I was belaying one of the ladies, I took note of the group as they cheered and coached her up the wall.  She was struggling and muttered, “I don’t think I can.”  I barely heard her denial because the ladies’ cheers of encouragement at the bottom drowned her out.  Despite her doubts, she kept moving—right hand up, right foot up, left hand up, left foot up. Then she reached the top of the climb! 

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I looked over and saw joyful tears shimmering in my mom’s eyes and falling down her cheeks. She had been unsure how the rock climbing would go, but the Lord was here.  His presence was with these ladies and His spirit was inside them, doing only what He can do.

​I remembered my earlier uncertainty and realized every prayer so urgently uttered before the climb had been answered more abundantly than I could have imagined! The Lord was reminding me of what He can do through a willing servant.  That is exactly what I want to be, unconcerned about who I am and fully engulfed in who God is and what He can do through me! 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more
than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,
to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus
throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"
​(Ephesians 3:20-21).