Not Enough

by:  Joel Bates

After agonizing with his decision for over an hour, the student looked at me and the ropes and declared, “It’s not enough!”  I tried to hide my irritation, but I felt incensed as I held the young man on belay, high atop the seventy-foot river bluff.  Sam was one of eight fearless and determined participants who had braved the wilds of the Missouri backcountry for six days.  Together they had faced cold winter temperatures that left them shivering in the night, had faced the demands of night navigation, had faced drenching downpours, and had conquered swift-river crossings, but now, Sam was having none of it.  When it came to heights, he had hit a wall that his courage couldn’t surmount. 

How strange that he had gone through so much, and yet, facing the rappel anchors, his will had become powerless to see him through!  I touted the merits of the ropes, explaining their trustworthy ability to hold thousands of pounds of weight and how simple it would be to lower himself on that strength.  Even with this assurance, he doubted my ability to hold him on belay for the descent.  I gave him a brief account of my experience and ability, and other group members testified to my talents since they had put me to the test mere minutes prior.  I offered to pray for him that the Lord might help him find the courage to continue.  He agreed. 

After all my assurances and encouragement, Sam asked what he must do to make it stop…to get away…to avoid the fear.  I simply told him to trust.  He studied the solid rope anchors intensely.  He considered my hands holding him securely.  Then he declared, “It’s not enough!”  We had come to his final answer, and fear had won. 

The phrase “It’s not enough!” remained with me long after the event—long after Sam left my rappel station having never trusted completely, having never believed that he could do it, having never felt the thrill of rappelling down a breathtaking cliff face, suspended amid the freshness of the budding spring air and centered in the fullness of complete trust.  That’s what it is to rappel—exercising complete trust in something other than oneself, for once. 

Usually with some hesitancy, the participant leans back and feels all his body weight settle into the fabric of the harness.  The ropes grow taught, but they are far from straining as he eases his shaking figure over the side for the long and chilling decent.  Then, there’s a phenomenon that occurs with most people who are completely trusting; euphoric freedom sweeps through them.  I don’t understand it completely, though I’ve experienced it myself, but when in placing complete trust in the ropes and belayer, I find a rest, a peace, a simplicity that comes from releasing my will and control.  Times like these show us just how burdensome it is to try to keep control, to be self-reliant above all else, to give lip service to faith but fool ourselves as we feed our doubts. 

This phrase “It’s not enough!” keeps haunting me because though I’m brave enough to trust the ropes to rappel down a mountain, I trouble the Holy Spirit on a regular basis with a myriad of misgivings.  I halt at simple requests from the Lord like, “Pray with that guy.  Yes, even though he‘s not a believer, and it may feel awkward at first.”  Or “Lay down your defenses, and let me protect your heart.  Yes, I understand that you feel very vulnerable right now.”  Or “My sacrifice is sufficient to pay for your sins.  Yes, all of them, and that one, too.”  Or “I am with you, so let’s go.”  Or “I love you, and nothing will ever change that.”  The Apostle Paul had reason to doubt himself, considering how he had persecuted the church in his early days, but he inspires me with his message to the believers in Colossae:

“He [Jesus] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.  And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.  And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.  For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross” (Col 1:15-20).

I amaze myself sometimes by my lack of faith in the face of such power…such kindness, care, and reason.  When I consider who God is and what Jesus has done, I must confess that it truly is enough.  It’s more than enough.  As you face your daunting cliff edges of life today, remember the truth of Christ in your life.  Consider who He is and what He has done so that you can be intentional with your trust.  Lean into Him, and experience the joy of trusting in the One who is enough!

“We have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” 
Hebrews 10:10

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